I am going to be 5 whole weeks pregnant tomorrow and everything seems norml and fine. I'm still a bitch, I'm not quite as crampy as I was a few days ago, I'm SO tired all the time but generally I'm great!
In total, I've had 10/10 positive tests (Dollar tree has great tests for a buck so I bought a bunch for fun!) and no AF show so everything seems like it's going well.
My first appointment with the midwife should be around March 15th and I'll be 8 weeks by then so maybe we'll be able to hear a heartbeat! Then I have an ultrasound scheduled for March 17th with my local family doctor who will be assisting with prenatal care so that I don't have to go to Albuquerque for every appointment.
Life is different in PregnantLand.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Chloe Quote of the Day
"Cold is EVIL! Evil coldness is going to destroy the Earth."
Dang, my girl's deep!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tiger Baby
Now I hadn't been feeling particularly pregnant but decided to get ahead of myself, my Dollar Tree tests and start testing a few days before my period was due.. just in case!
I woke up yesterday for the first morning catch, took the test, and checked it about 5 times before concluding that it was negative and probably too early anyway. A little bit later while Daniel was in the shower, I took it out of the drawer and it had a positive line. Whoa, hey! What's that?
I told Daniel, "I think I just got a positive test..."
Daniel's instant reaction: "So THAT'S why you've been such a bitch!"
Totally! At least, that's a reeally good excuse for calling him an idiot one day and stupid the next (I try to restrain myself and keep my words relatively unhurtful).
I cracked up laughing; it was such a perfectly honest and reasonable response. I told him that it wasn't definite yet because there was a chance it could just be an evaporation line and that I was barely 5 days pre-period (yet 10 DPO!).
I happened to have a doctor's appointment scheduled that morning for a mole and decided to talk to him about the possibility of a pregnancy. I told the nurse about it and so when the dr walked in he said, "Are you pregnant?" He has a small ultrasound machine in the OB exam room and went ahead and looked to see what was there. AND HE SAW IT! Well, there wasn't much to see since it's so early but there was something there. He told me to wait a little bit and keep testing; not to take the u/s as a confirmation.
So I left knowing that it was definitely a yes, even though he wasn't positive about it. I took two more tests between last night and this morning and they were both positive.
November 1st, it is!
Daniel and I are very excited and I think he's more warm to it than he has been in the past (this early on, anyway).
As far as feeling pregnant, there is no doubt. Auron wants to nurse all the time and pinch the 'unused' nipple which reminds me of the oh-so-pleasant pregnancy soreness that I get every time (although the right is much more sore than the left), the famous frequent urination, intermittent exhaustion, crampiness, apparent "bitchiness," and bloated/heaviness in the belly.
Now I have to have my pregnancy "confirmed" so that I can sign up for Medicaid, which will pay for my delicious natural birth at a birth center in Albuquerque.
I really hope I'm not too tired to continue college, work part-time, and take care of my two little monkeys all day. I can't wait to have a belly so that I can wear the cutie cute maternity clothes from Kiki's Fashions.com.
Wish my dang prenatals would come in. I'm almost out of my good vegetarian ones.
I keep peeing on sticks to feel the joy I get when the pink line appears.
Yay, baby! Now it's naptime.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Standing strong despite nay-sayers
When I got pregnant with my first child, it was received with lots of positivity (having your first is VERY exciting). With my second, the congratulations were a little bit muted except that there were SO many people who said, "I hope it's a boy!!!"
Now that we're attempting our third (and I can't contain my excitement!), most of the reactions are negative. "But I thought you were going to take a break from that." "Do you really think that's a good idea? Kids are haard!" "Okaaay. Uh, good luck." And, "What?! Another one!? I really think you should wait" (granted, that one came from a drunk friend). Thanks, assholes! Why can't you just pretend to be supportive and shut the fuck up!?
We are good parents and we love our children. We have the right to do what we please! Besides, we take better care of our kids than so many other parents I know.
On the other hand, I have received support from some unexpected people and their warmth and positivity has helped to balance out the nay-sayers. My mother, mother-in-law, and my doctor all responded with genuine support. In fact, when I went in for my pre-conception check-up, my doctor's instant reaction was excitement! I was definitely not expecting so much support from him!
I'm not going to let negativity get me down. I know in my heart what is right and it really isn't anyone else's business.
Now that we're attempting our third (and I can't contain my excitement!), most of the reactions are negative. "But I thought you were going to take a break from that." "Do you really think that's a good idea? Kids are haard!" "Okaaay. Uh, good luck." And, "What?! Another one!? I really think you should wait" (granted, that one came from a drunk friend). Thanks, assholes! Why can't you just pretend to be supportive and shut the fuck up!?
We are good parents and we love our children. We have the right to do what we please! Besides, we take better care of our kids than so many other parents I know.
On the other hand, I have received support from some unexpected people and their warmth and positivity has helped to balance out the nay-sayers. My mother, mother-in-law, and my doctor all responded with genuine support. In fact, when I went in for my pre-conception check-up, my doctor's instant reaction was excitement! I was definitely not expecting so much support from him!
I'm not going to let negativity get me down. I know in my heart what is right and it really isn't anyone else's business.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
My Yummy
This is Auron nursing his pet frog a couple of weeks ago in his dinosaur pajamas. At first he told me to do it but I thought it was sticky and dirty and I refused. He often tells me to give Bee-Boo to his "babies." He's a very loving little daddy. You can bet his wife will be a breastfeeder!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Mwahh!
Okay, so they fight like... A LOT! But they really do love each other. When we were putting Chloe to bed she said, as she hugged her new purple Care Bear, that she wanted to dream about Care Bear Land and then she named each of us individually and said that she wanted us to go with her there. When she got to her brother she said that she wanted Auron to go to Care Bear Land too. I asked him if he wanted to go and (since he was nursing at the time) just said, "mmhmm!" That made Chloe smile and hug her bear.
She can never convince me that she doesn't completely adore him. The cat's out of the bag, kiddo! I will so use this against you down the road!!
Friday, February 5, 2010
The heart-shaped mother inside of me
I went into labor naturally 1 week late with Chloe when my water broke on a Wednesday afternoon. Through all of the chaos and pain (I still don't have her birth story finished yet!), I ended up having my body cut into to get her out. That was traumatic for me emotionally, physically, and, I think, psychically. After stumbling my way out of the stupor that was post-surgical Percocet I began to feel this weird ache...
I thought at first that it was my incision or even my uterus contracting back into its pre-pregnancy size but it was something different and I knew it. Then one day, I was laying in bed with that tiny girl who I was unmeasurably in love with sitting on my belly and the driving ache eased a little bit. Light bulb! My uterus was aching to hold my baby again. I think because she came out unnaturally, and my womb did not go through the process of birth, it was going through separation trauma! I know it sounds weird to speak of an organ like it has feelings but this was her home! It held her and grew her and nourished her until it was sliced open and the baby that it had embraced for 41 weeks was yanked from its loving warmth. And it was aching.
Realizing this was heart-breaking for me. My body was so in-tune with this child from the very start. I could feel when we conceived; I could feel that she was a girl; I could feel every little movement, every little hiccup and now my body was empty and it knew that it wasn't supposed to happen that way. It felt like a physical form of PTSD with an anxiety, depression spin to it.
So once I figured it all out, I did the only thing I could think of to ease the pain: I'd hold her little body against my belly and push her into my uterus so that it could get its "fix." I did this for a week or two whenever I'd feel that sensation and eventually it went away. It was like I had to reassure it that she was there and that she was okay. Like it was the mother inside of me that was taking care of our baby until she passed the responsibility on to me.
When I had Auron, I half-expected the feeling to come back and prove to me that I was wrong and that this feeling was a normal by-product of birth, but it never came. The Inner-Mother felt strong and stable. She worked hard to get him out, even when I was asleep and not consciously trying to help and afterward she slipped into a peaceful slumber, probably feeling accomplished and empowered by the successful birth she was finally able to achieve.
I remember the feeling of that ache and it is directly connected to my heart. It makes me want to cry because it was such a primal sadness but it reminds me how much I love my daughter. I am so lucky to have such a perfectly imperfect girl. She made me a mother. She made the Inner-Mother one too.
She is truly heart-shaped as she is a bicornuate uterus. Even the shape of her signifies love.
I thought at first that it was my incision or even my uterus contracting back into its pre-pregnancy size but it was something different and I knew it. Then one day, I was laying in bed with that tiny girl who I was unmeasurably in love with sitting on my belly and the driving ache eased a little bit. Light bulb! My uterus was aching to hold my baby again. I think because she came out unnaturally, and my womb did not go through the process of birth, it was going through separation trauma! I know it sounds weird to speak of an organ like it has feelings but this was her home! It held her and grew her and nourished her until it was sliced open and the baby that it had embraced for 41 weeks was yanked from its loving warmth. And it was aching.
Realizing this was heart-breaking for me. My body was so in-tune with this child from the very start. I could feel when we conceived; I could feel that she was a girl; I could feel every little movement, every little hiccup and now my body was empty and it knew that it wasn't supposed to happen that way. It felt like a physical form of PTSD with an anxiety, depression spin to it.
So once I figured it all out, I did the only thing I could think of to ease the pain: I'd hold her little body against my belly and push her into my uterus so that it could get its "fix." I did this for a week or two whenever I'd feel that sensation and eventually it went away. It was like I had to reassure it that she was there and that she was okay. Like it was the mother inside of me that was taking care of our baby until she passed the responsibility on to me.
When I had Auron, I half-expected the feeling to come back and prove to me that I was wrong and that this feeling was a normal by-product of birth, but it never came. The Inner-Mother felt strong and stable. She worked hard to get him out, even when I was asleep and not consciously trying to help and afterward she slipped into a peaceful slumber, probably feeling accomplished and empowered by the successful birth she was finally able to achieve.
I remember the feeling of that ache and it is directly connected to my heart. It makes me want to cry because it was such a primal sadness but it reminds me how much I love my daughter. I am so lucky to have such a perfectly imperfect girl. She made me a mother. She made the Inner-Mother one too.
She is truly heart-shaped as she is a bicornuate uterus. Even the shape of her signifies love.
Being Present
I am coming to the realization that being present in your own life, in your own experiences and choices is vital. By taking responsibility and being accountable for all of your actions, you empower yourself.
Being a parent means that you now have complete responsibility for the life (not just childhood!) of another person! It is not something to be take upon lightly or pushed aside as unimportant.
Just in becoming a parent you either choose to have a child or you create one unintentionally. That single act in itself can change everything. It can change the way that the child is raised and parented. Because each one of my children has been fully planned and intentional, I feel that it makes them a more accepted part of my life. I started their existence with intention and continue to make choices about their lives with the same degree of intent.
Birth can be something that you choose to control or you can choose to pass the reigns off to someone else, usually a doctor, like most women do. You can take charge of this experience and make it what you want it to be (at least as much as you can influence yourself), or you can just stay along for the ride and risk becoming a "victim" of the system or worse, your child becoming a true victim of it.
The choices a parent makes are sometimes unclear and uncut but they are choices none-the-less. Take the choice of giving your child her birthright of your milk or giving her highly processed artificial milk. I have encountered women who have told me that they never even considered breastfeeding, like it wasn't an option for some reason. I don't get that. You have a baby and your milk comes in. You choose whether or not to put that baby to your breast and it is fully intentional, whether they admit it or not. Most women have to go through the pain of engorgement and the nuisance of unwanted milk until the body finally gives up and stops producing.
To empower yourself means to educate yourself on the subject and then proceed to make an informed decision. Read about crying it out! Read about home-birth! Read about starting solids or spanking or birth control! Whatever it is, if you take the time to find out about your options and the truths behind them, you are empowering yourself to be present in these decisions and to make better decisions. When it is your children on the line, it is too important and impactful to neglect consideration.
Fact: women who are educated are much more likely to breastfeed because they are aware of the benefits of it as well as the risks of artificial feeding. This just makes sense. Gain knowledge; take it and make a smart choice!
Being a parent means that you now have complete responsibility for the life (not just childhood!) of another person! It is not something to be take upon lightly or pushed aside as unimportant.
Just in becoming a parent you either choose to have a child or you create one unintentionally. That single act in itself can change everything. It can change the way that the child is raised and parented. Because each one of my children has been fully planned and intentional, I feel that it makes them a more accepted part of my life. I started their existence with intention and continue to make choices about their lives with the same degree of intent.
Birth can be something that you choose to control or you can choose to pass the reigns off to someone else, usually a doctor, like most women do. You can take charge of this experience and make it what you want it to be (at least as much as you can influence yourself), or you can just stay along for the ride and risk becoming a "victim" of the system or worse, your child becoming a true victim of it.
The choices a parent makes are sometimes unclear and uncut but they are choices none-the-less. Take the choice of giving your child her birthright of your milk or giving her highly processed artificial milk. I have encountered women who have told me that they never even considered breastfeeding, like it wasn't an option for some reason. I don't get that. You have a baby and your milk comes in. You choose whether or not to put that baby to your breast and it is fully intentional, whether they admit it or not. Most women have to go through the pain of engorgement and the nuisance of unwanted milk until the body finally gives up and stops producing.
To empower yourself means to educate yourself on the subject and then proceed to make an informed decision. Read about crying it out! Read about home-birth! Read about starting solids or spanking or birth control! Whatever it is, if you take the time to find out about your options and the truths behind them, you are empowering yourself to be present in these decisions and to make better decisions. When it is your children on the line, it is too important and impactful to neglect consideration.
Fact: women who are educated are much more likely to breastfeed because they are aware of the benefits of it as well as the risks of artificial feeding. This just makes sense. Gain knowledge; take it and make a smart choice!
Frugality
I discovered this wonderful 2nd-hand store last year that sells pre-owned children's clothing and now I shop there at least twice a year. We went recently to get most of the clothes that the kids will be wearing this summer. We spent almost an hour there. The kids were well-behaved and played with other kids while I did the shopping.
The end result was incredible.... I got 30 items for $82 and got a Moby Wrap for an incredible $30 (online: $50-$79.99)! I like it much more than slings- easier on the back though it is harder to get them in and out.
Here's what I came away with:
This included skirts, shorts, pants, shirts, and very cute dresses for Chloe. Some items were brand new and costed the
most at around $7.
I love Other Mother's so much, I want to go back and double the size of their wardrobes!
The end result was incredible.... I got 30 items for $82 and got a Moby Wrap for an incredible $30 (online: $50-$79.99)! I like it much more than slings- easier on the back though it is harder to get them in and out.
Here's what I came away with:
This included skirts, shorts, pants, shirts, and very cute dresses for Chloe. Some items were brand new and costed the
most at around $7.
I love Other Mother's so much, I want to go back and double the size of their wardrobes!
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