I cannot believe I am merely 6 weeks away from my due date. As any woman at this stage, I have mixed feelings. I'd love to be relieved of all of my pregnancy ailments, but I'm also clutching the last few moments as a mother of 2, family of 4. I'm trying to spend as much time with Chloe and Auron as possible while I can since I'll be so occupied breastfeeding and kangaroo-caring my new little Yummy.
Last night when we put the kids to bed, Auron was feeling particularly clingy, so I cradled him in my lap while I sat on my exercise ball and bounced him to sleep, knowing that the time I have to rock (or bounce) him to sleep uninterrupted is closing, moment-by-moment. And I felt a sense of sadness. My baby boy is no longer going to be the baby and I won't be able to devote so much time cuddling (and, yes, coddling) him as I have done for the past two and a half years. He'll be pushed to the "older sibling" slot and he'll have to deal with my diverted attention to a new baby brother or sister. I'm not sure how well he'll handle the transition, as much as he seems excited about the prospect of a new baby.
Chloe was never jealous of Auron. She handled the situation in a different way. She hated me and replaced me with her daddy. In fact, she began doing this when I weaned her 5 months before his birth when I (traumatically) weaned her from the breast. She felt I rejected her by refusing to connect with her the way we had always done and adding a new baby that got my mostly-undivided attention only made it worse. We've reconnected over time and are mostly healed, but I wonder what may have happened had I waited longer to have Auron, as I have done with this baby (which will be a 31-month difference compared to the 23-month spacing of my first two).
I know that somehow we will all get through this adjustment as all families with a new baby have done and I believe that having the experience of Chloe to Chloe + Auron will help us to handle the situation with more wisdom and tact.
As for the pregnancy, it is continuing well. I had gained 6 pounds between my last two appointments (2 weeks apart), putting me up to 22 pounds in total; still not bad although it is a bit much for a two-week period. I guess I'll start watching my late night snacking a bit. Baby was still vertex and my midwife predicted it to be a boy. Daniel still needs to find a boy's name but he did an excellent job of picking the most beautiful girl's name (which will not be revealed until the birth). I had chosen Lily several months ago for a first name, but the name he came up with was so spectacular that I demoted it to middle name status.
I've been having many more Braxton Hicks contractions lately which were made much worse when I took a fall yesterday. I went to the neighbor's house to retrieve my silly dog that had escaped and when I got her on the leash, she jerked forward to try to chase one of the neighbor dogs that runs loose and I lost my balance in the gravel and fell forward, cutting my hand and leg and deeply cutting into my pride. My uterus was very irritated for most of the day after this and made me uncomfortable and a little worried. I knew I would probably not be thrust into early labor and was glad that I could shield my belly from the impact with my hands, so everything turned out fine.
I ordered my birthing kit online yesterday as well as the start of nursing bras. I began packing my birthing center bag as well so I continue to feel more and more prepared with each step. I also ordered some incredibly divine ichiko shochu which is Japanese barley vodka that I sampled while in Los Angeles to use for my placenta tincture. By the way- holy cow, shipping on mail-order alcohol is ridiculous!! It was $20 for shipping for a $19-dollar bottle of alcohol! ...I should have just taken the time and found it in Albuquerque. Oh well, live and learn.
I will be able to deliver at the birth center at 36 weeks, so I have 2 more weeks to keep this baby in here so that I can avoid an icky hospital experience. I keep feeling like this baby is going to come sooner than my desired 4 days late (November 5th is my grandparent's anniversary), but I'm doing my best to keep him/her inside until we have reached full term.
This weekend is my baby shower and I am very excited about celebrating this baby with my closest friends and family.
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